Tuesday, 27 January 2015

exam week stress

Bonjour my internet friends,

The end of last week marked the beginning of exam review. During this entire week the ten's, eleven's, and twelve's are studying and revising to be ready for their exams next week.

I am so nervous. This is my first time taking exams like this.

Do we arrive at normal school time? Where do we go when were finished? Are we allowed independent music while working? What charts and extra things are we allowed to help us? Do we come every other day of the week other than our exam days? What is happening?

Because I am clueless.

The exams I am taking for this semester are Science and Pre-Calculus and Foundations (Math).
I feel ready for math, I think. I just need to do some more of the review assignments and I'll be ready. A lot of the equations and concepts are coming back as we revise.

I feel utterly screwed for science.

My teacher has one more chapter to go this week and that means no review. So I have to do it independently. Which, for me, is not easy. I also missed three tests that I have to make up and have a C+ in this class.

As you can tell, science is not my strong point.

I just really hope I can figure out this exam week thing before it actually happens or I'm going to have a panic attack. I am not joking around when I say that. It might as well happen sooner or later.

But I know that when I'm done, I will be relieved and ready for semester 2. Done with science, math, and gym and onto French, English, and photography.

I hope all will be well. This is going to be an interesting two weeks.

keep smiling beautifuls,
Naddy xoxo

Saturday, 10 January 2015

let's get serious (trigger warning)

Bonjour my internet friends,

Now to warn you, this is a more serious topic. I don't want anyone to be triggered or hateful towards anything I say in the rest of the blog post. So if you're looking for a good read or happy stories, this is not the time.

I definitely have had my moments of sadness, frustration ending in tears. But from being more involved in the internet community, I have had my eyes opened to the problems real people face on a daily basis.

I have friends around the world (and close to me) with depression, social anxiety, panic disorder, bipolar, and many more mental health issues.

One thing that breaks my heart, is seeing them post about something that happened that affected them horribly because of their disorders and such.

And when I have to, by choice not by obligation, stay up to convince a beautiful girl to stay away from her blades and not self-harm, that breaks a little piece of me inside.

Because truly, would it not be better if they just left the world that they were put on for a purpose? I love people to no end, and to see them harm themselves because of bad situations makes me so hurt inside.

I don't understand why they hurt themselves. I've heard people say it's because “they hurt themselves physically so they can ignore the mental pain." But it feels like there's more to it. I don't know, I might be wrong.

One thing that really bugs me (and irks me every time I see it) are the shirts and such with the phrase “stressed, depressed, but well dressed". It feels like such a joke. And stress induced disorders and depression are not something to joke about. They are serious problems people face and should not be tossed around so carelessly.

Anxiety and panic disorder is something I can talk about for ages. I have experienced at least five or six stress/anxiety induced panic attacks in the last two-three years. That doesn't seem like that much, but when you consider what the effects of panicking involve it seems like ages.

Your stomach goes up to your throat, and you can't seem to focus on the task at hand. Your hands shake, you can't walk, you can barely even talk. You get the sweats and it's like you're drowning. Sometimes, you even cry. You feel completely and utterly sick. And you just want everything to go away.

Usually, these would be okay if they were in private and you could grab your iPod to play your pre made playlist for panicky moments and just chill. But no, you are in school, at work, at someone's house. And you are not allowed to listen to your music, it is not the appropriate time. You cannot leave the room without telling someone, and talking is just out of the question. You are hardly able to get up and try to leave so you stay put, stuck in a swirling spiral of panic.

This is a serious problem for a lot of people and that makes me sad. What really sucks and kills me, is when they have anxiety and depression. Yes, let's make life ten times worse and add another disorder to the mix.

This is a subject I am so very passionate about, if you couldn't already tell. Mental health, in teens especially, interests me. I really hope you found this interesting or at least eye-opening. Because when I first discovered these things, my eyes were wide open.

keep smiling beautifuls,
Naddy xoxo

To all my friends and followers dealing with crap like this right now, I want you to know you are loved. There is someone (or people) out there who love you unconditionally and want you to be okay. So put down the blade, breathe deeply, and put on your favourite music. Tune out the world. It will do you some good to just escape. I know it. I love you. ♥

Thursday, 1 January 2015

thinking back, looking forward

Bonjour my internet friends,

So 2014 has come and gone. What an eventful and insane year it has been! I have just been thinking about things that I did and/or accomplished this past year.

At the beginning of the year, it wasn't that crazy.

I got into more youtubers, watched plenty of award shows, etc.

But in May, I did something I couldn't believe.

I met Jenn McAllister.

Now if you don't know who that is, then I will explain.

Jenn is an 18-year-old youtuber living in Los Angeles, California with her roommates Andrea, Arden, and Lauren. She went on tour in 2014 as the MC for Tyler Ward and did a meet and greet with her fans before every show.

So myself, and my two friends went into the city to meet her.

I was shaking, I was so excited, and it was an experience you only get once in a lifetime.

I handed her the gifts I got her, and we stayed like a half hour later than we should have and that was probably one of the best decisions of my life.

She talked to all of us and eventually the lineup turned into a mini-mass of people talking to Jenn. I waited because I asked her to follow me on Twitter. And, because someone else wanted her to talk to their friend on the phone, she handed me her iPhone.

I held her phone for a second in awe before I typed in my username and clicked on my profile.

When I handed her back her phone, she clicked away. But then looked down and realised I didn't follow myself and she went back and followed me.

She didn't just let it go, or anything, she was kind enough to go back.

My friend also got my friend who couldn't come on the phone and she got to talk to Jenn.

That was amazing and one of the highlights of my year.

Another thing that happened before that, as I look back on my calendar, is I went to a cool event called Teen Fest. It was a load of fun and some cool things happened there.

My uncle's band performed, and that was pretty awesome.

Northern Rain band performed, first time I'd ever heard them, and they rocked.

They had a teen performing contest, I guess, and one of the performers (and winner) was Shon Burnett. Now, I knew Shon would be a star when I first heard him sing. And I was so happy for him when he won. What I did not expect was seeing him on The Next Star a couple months later!

Now he didn't win that Canada-wide contest, but he did make it to the top 6. Which is a big deal! I am so proud of him and cannot wait to see where he goes with his music.

In the summer, I did some volunteering and had a babysitting job.

It was a lot of fun, and I am glad for the experience.

The last week of August is probably my favourite time of year.

That is the time of year when my family and I pack up our stuff and head to the resort on the lake for a week. I mean, I get to see the friends that I only get to see once a year.

I love them a lot and we spend as much time together as we can. Or as we want to.

This year was no exception to having fun. I had the time of my life with the best girls in my life.

Then school finally started, I had my birthday in October, went to camp with the international students, went to camp with my youth group, and then December arrived.

November/December are the months I found some really good friends whom I love. I am so happy to be part of their friendship group and talk to them about random stuff and be goofs.

During the Christmas break there were definitely plenty of friend get-togethers with other friends from my youth group.

Then new year's rolled around. Spent at my aunt and uncle's, we had a lot of fun.

I am so grateful for such a great year.

These are all personal things that happened but there are so many things in the social media world, especially YouTube, that happened.

Tyler Oakley and Bethany Mota winning a TCA

Grace Helbig, Mamrie Hart, and Hannah Hart's Camp Takota

Superwoman (Lilly Singh) in Dr. Cabbie

Bethany Mota on Dancing With The Stars

Zoe Sugg's book Girl Online

Alfie Deyes' The Pointless Book

Hannah Hart's My Drunk Kitchen cookbook

Grace's Guide the art of pretending to be a grown-up

Cameron Dallas' movie Expelled, and so many more.

I am proud to be a part of the online generation and to see so much recognition given to those with the online life.

keep smiling beautifuls,
Naddy xoxo