spring breaking

Bonjour my internet friends,

Today marks the first day of the two break anointed upon teachers and students in my area (and others I think too).

I have some plans for the following two weeks but other than that, I am a lost bird.

Oh well.

I am travelling somewhat. I am quite excited to visit my family. Even if they are only one province over.

I am also going to see The Duff with one of my school friends and then shopping (maybe) with some others for one of their birthday's.

See, I am not completely socially awkward.

I just hope that Diva and Lego don't completely drive me crazy. Kitty should be alright.

I mean, the two girls will be gone at a day camp next week. So it will just be myself and Lego, chilling.

Also known as watching youtube, reading, going online, playing games, and maybe doing some overdue work. Oops.

Spring break is such a great time for me.

I get to catch up on my sleep and just have fun, most of the time spending more time with my friends than usual.

It's like a two week long weekend. Pure bliss.

I've got to go enjoy this. I'm going to try and update more.

keep smiling beautifuls,
Naddy xoxo

internet friends

Bonjour my internet friends,

Recently, I watched two videos that warmed my heart and made me smile. This one from Emma's point of view as she goes to meet Ash, and this one from Ash's point of view as they meet Emma.

The two have been internet friends since June of last year, meeting on tumblr due to both of their love of Troyler (Troye Sivan and Tyler Oakley).

I follow both of their blogs and they are actually both quite fabulous!

{ tronlerfivever.tumblr.com/ and trxye-and-txlly.tumblr.com }

They met for the first time on January 31st, 2015.

Watching their videos gave me hope that one day I might meet the friends I've made online.

Because, from watching their videos, internet friends are just like real life best friends but far away.
It just brought me so much joy to see someone else happy. I was smiling during the entirety of their videos.

They made me think, ‛dang I can't wait to meet one of my friends, it's going to be just great.'

I love them all to pieces, even though we've never met face-to-face. They are such great people with big hearts and beautiful personalities.

See what I'm trying to say is that internet friends aren't any different from real-life friends.

So why do we differentiate?

They're our friends no matter what.

Through the tough times and the happy times, friends (in general) are always there for you. And really, that includes internet friends.

Ashlynn and Emma met because of Troye and Tyler.

I met a lot of my internet friends because of youtubers, bands, singers, and common interests.

If we don't have a common interest, we make one.

I have an entire online squad, and we have each other's backs.

They know who they are. If you're reading this as one of my internet friends, please know how much I appreciate knowing you and hope that one day we can meet for real.

keep smiling beautifuls,
Naddy xoxo

my 2015 anthems

 

Bonjour my internet friends,

At the beginning of this new year, I decided to have an anthem song for this year to power me. I decided on Warrior by Demi Lovato.

Which then prompted me to write this:

“The song that I want to be in the back of my mind during this year is Warrior by Demi Lovato. I don't know why, it just came to me as a song I wish to be my anthem of 2015. I want to analyze the lyrics and remember them when I'm in times of need. I want to find a way to relate to them and make it my own personal goal to become a warrior in my mentality. Especially through school, exams, and going to grade eleven. I will be a warrior."

After thinking about it for a while I came up with a list of songs I wanted to be in my mind during this year. Here are my 2015 anthems.

Warrior by Demi Lovato
“Now I'm a warrior, now I've got thicker skin. I'm a warrior. I'm stronger than I've ever been. And my armour, is made of steel, you can't get in. I'm a warrior. And you can never hurt me again.”

I want to be a warrior.

Girl Almighty by One Direction
“Her light is as loud as as many ambulances as it takes to save a saviour, oh (whoa whoa whoa). She floats through the room on a big balloon. Some say, "She's such a fake," that her love is made up. No, no, no, no. Let's have another toast to the girl almighty. Let's pray we stay young, stay made of lightning. Am I the only, only believer? There's something happening here. The only, only believer. There's something happening here, I hope you feel what I'm feeling too.”

I want to be the girl almighty.

Social Casualty by 5 Seconds of Summer
“Just a girl turned 18. She ran away to chase her dreams. And they said she wouldn't make it far. She took a chance and packed her bags. She left town and didn't look back. So tired of wishing on the stars (wishing on the stars). So save me from who I'm supposed to be! Don't wanna be a victim of authority, I'll always be a part of the minority. Save me from who I'm supposed to be. So tell me, tell me, tell me what you want from me, I don't wanna be another social casualty.”

I want to stand out and go my own way.

Shake It Off by Taylor Swift
“But I keep cruising. Can't stop, won't stop moving. It's like I got this music in my mind saying, "It's gonna be alright." 'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play. And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. I shake it off, I shake it off. Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break. And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. I shake it off, I shake it off.”

I want to just shake it off and let it all go.

We Are by Big Time Rush
“Life's too short to sit and wait for luck to come our way. Light it up like fireworks, I wanna hear you say. We are, we are! We are alive. And we are the light that's shining now. We are, we are! We are the reckless. And you can hear us drowning out the sound. We are, we are! Young and dumb, always chasing something. We are, we are! Hearts like drums, you can hear us coming. We are, we are.”

I want to live in the present, and not in the past.

You Don't Know Me by Ariana Grande
“I don't need to live by your rules, you don't control me. Until you've walked a mile in my shoes, you don't know me. And I know, I know, I know you don't like it. You don't, you don't, you don't know where I've been. It's my life so truth be told, I see you thinking but there's just one thing, dear. And you think you know but you don't have no idea. Think you know me but there's more to see my love.”

I want to be myself, no matter what others think.

Human by Cher Lloyd
“Everything you see that glitters isn’t always gold. Everything you think is perfect, oh isn’t always so. Many times many times I would've let my feelings show. Everything you see that glitters isn’t always gold. You know I’m just human, human, human after all.”

I want to recognize that I am only human.

One Day by Emblem3
“All my life I've been waiting for, I've been praying for, for the people to say that, “we don't wanna fight no more and there'll be no more wars.” And our children will play. One day.”

I want to help the world, big picture or small.

Secrets by Mary Lambert
“They tell us from the time we're young to hide the things that we don't like about ourselves, inside ourselves. I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else. Well I'm over it. I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are.”

I want to be an open book, without anything to hide.

Ordinary by Ricky Dillon
“So sick and tired of staying up to see the break of dawn. Everybody's taking shots, 'til they're passed out on the lawn. Broken hearts and Styrofoam and empty double cups. I guess I'm ordinary 'cause I don't give a what.”

I want to just be as I am without having to fit standards.

A Different Beat by Little Mix
“I got the right to make up my mind. Say it loud and clear! For the whole wide world to hear. We're marching for love, so turn up the drum. Say it loud and clear! For the whole wide world to hear. Yeah, we must have different shoes on. We're marching to a different beat. Yeah! So baby put your boots on, keep marching to a different beat.”

I want to walk my walk and talk my talk.

XIAT by Trevor Moran
“There's always been a need to get rid of this grief. It's what I call XIAT. Been in highs been in lows, feel like there's nowhere to go. Is there something wrong with me? Trying to do normal things I used to pursue. So fired up but now rotting inside. I do my hardest to break out of this shell. Without a crack, I'm still stuck in this hell.”

I want to voice my passions and problems to help others.

Haters Gonna Hate by Tonite Only
“Haters, don't hate us like we're famous. We're not the one's who fake it. Cuz fakers never make it. Haters gonna hate.”

I want to just be care free and dance, because why not?

And that is all. I hope you enjoyed. :)

keep smiling beautifuls,
Naddy xoxo

exam week stress

Bonjour my internet friends,

The end of last week marked the beginning of exam review. During this entire week the ten's, eleven's, and twelve's are studying and revising to be ready for their exams next week.

I am so nervous. This is my first time taking exams like this.

Do we arrive at normal school time? Where do we go when were finished? Are we allowed independent music while working? What charts and extra things are we allowed to help us? Do we come every other day of the week other than our exam days? What is happening?

Because I am clueless.

The exams I am taking for this semester are Science and Pre-Calculus and Foundations (Math).
I feel ready for math, I think. I just need to do some more of the review assignments and I'll be ready. A lot of the equations and concepts are coming back as we revise.

I feel utterly screwed for science.

My teacher has one more chapter to go this week and that means no review. So I have to do it independently. Which, for me, is not easy. I also missed three tests that I have to make up and have a C+ in this class.

As you can tell, science is not my strong point.

I just really hope I can figure out this exam week thing before it actually happens or I'm going to have a panic attack. I am not joking around when I say that. It might as well happen sooner or later.

But I know that when I'm done, I will be relieved and ready for semester 2. Done with science, math, and gym and onto French, English, and photography.

I hope all will be well. This is going to be an interesting two weeks.

keep smiling beautifuls,
Naddy xoxo

let's get serious (trigger warning)

Bonjour my internet friends,

Now to warn you, this is a more serious topic. I don't want anyone to be triggered or hateful towards anything I say in the rest of the blog post. So if you're looking for a good read or happy stories, this is not the time.

I definitely have had my moments of sadness, frustration ending in tears. But from being more involved in the internet community, I have had my eyes opened to the problems real people face on a daily basis.

I have friends around the world (and close to me) with depression, social anxiety, panic disorder, bipolar, and many more mental health issues.

One thing that breaks my heart, is seeing them post about something that happened that affected them horribly because of their disorders and such.

And when I have to, by choice not by obligation, stay up to convince a beautiful girl to stay away from her blades and not self-harm, that breaks a little piece of me inside.

Because truly, would it not be better if they just left the world that they were put on for a purpose? I love people to no end, and to see them harm themselves because of bad situations makes me so hurt inside.

I don't understand why they hurt themselves. I've heard people say it's because “they hurt themselves physically so they can ignore the mental pain." But it feels like there's more to it. I don't know, I might be wrong.

One thing that really bugs me (and irks me every time I see it) are the shirts and such with the phrase “stressed, depressed, but well dressed". It feels like such a joke. And stress induced disorders and depression are not something to joke about. They are serious problems people face and should not be tossed around so carelessly.

Anxiety and panic disorder is something I can talk about for ages. I have experienced at least five or six stress/anxiety induced panic attacks in the last two-three years. That doesn't seem like that much, but when you consider what the effects of panicking involve it seems like ages.

Your stomach goes up to your throat, and you can't seem to focus on the task at hand. Your hands shake, you can't walk, you can barely even talk. You get the sweats and it's like you're drowning. Sometimes, you even cry. You feel completely and utterly sick. And you just want everything to go away.

Usually, these would be okay if they were in private and you could grab your iPod to play your pre made playlist for panicky moments and just chill. But no, you are in school, at work, at someone's house. And you are not allowed to listen to your music, it is not the appropriate time. You cannot leave the room without telling someone, and talking is just out of the question. You are hardly able to get up and try to leave so you stay put, stuck in a swirling spiral of panic.

This is a serious problem for a lot of people and that makes me sad. What really sucks and kills me, is when they have anxiety and depression. Yes, let's make life ten times worse and add another disorder to the mix.

This is a subject I am so very passionate about, if you couldn't already tell. Mental health, in teens especially, interests me. I really hope you found this interesting or at least eye-opening. Because when I first discovered these things, my eyes were wide open.

keep smiling beautifuls,
Naddy xoxo

P.S.
To all my friends and followers dealing with crap like this right now, I want you to know you are loved. There is someone (or people) out there who love you unconditionally and want you to be okay. So put down the blade, breathe deeply, and put on your favourite music. Tune out the world. It will do you some good to just escape. I know it. I love you. ♥

thinking back, looking forward

Bonjour my internet friends,

So 2014 has come and gone. What an eventful and insane year it has been! I have just been thinking about things that I did and/or accomplished this past year.

At the beginning of the year, it wasn't that crazy.

I got into more youtubers, watched plenty of award shows, etc.

But in May, I did something I couldn't believe.

I met Jenn McAllister.

Now if you don't know who that is, then I will explain.

Jenn is an 18-year-old youtuber living in Los Angeles, California with her roommates Andrea, Arden, and Lauren. She went on tour in 2014 as the MC for Tyler Ward and did a meet and greet with her fans before every show.

So myself, and my two friends went into the city to meet her.

I was shaking, I was so excited, and it was an experience you only get once in a lifetime.

I handed her the gifts I got her, and we stayed like a half hour later than we should have and that was probably one of the best decisions of my life.

She talked to all of us and eventually the lineup turned into a mini-mass of people talking to Jenn. I waited because I asked her to follow me on Twitter. And, because someone else wanted her to talk to their friend on the phone, she handed me her iPhone.

I held her phone for a second in awe before I typed in my username and clicked on my profile.

When I handed her back her phone, she clicked away. But then looked down and realised I didn't follow myself and she went back and followed me.

She didn't just let it go, or anything, she was kind enough to go back.

My friend also got my friend who couldn't come on the phone and she got to talk to Jenn.

That was amazing and one of the highlights of my year.

Another thing that happened before that, as I look back on my calendar, is I went to a cool event called Teen Fest. It was a load of fun and some cool things happened there.

My uncle's band performed, and that was pretty awesome.

Northern Rain band performed, first time I'd ever heard them, and they rocked.

They had a teen performing contest, I guess, and one of the performers (and winner) was Shon Burnett. Now, I knew Shon would be a star when I first heard him sing. And I was so happy for him when he won. What I did not expect was seeing him on The Next Star a couple months later!

Now he didn't win that Canada-wide contest, but he did make it to the top 6. Which is a big deal! I am so proud of him and cannot wait to see where he goes with his music.

In the summer, I did some volunteering and had a babysitting job.

It was a lot of fun, and I am glad for the experience.

The last week of August is probably my favourite time of year.

That is the time of year when my family and I pack up our stuff and head to the resort on the lake for a week. I mean, I get to see the friends that I only get to see once a year.

I love them a lot and we spend as much time together as we can. Or as we want to.

This year was no exception to having fun. I had the time of my life with the best girls in my life.

Then school finally started, I had my birthday in October, went to camp with the international students, went to camp with my youth group, and then December arrived.

November/December are the months I found some really good friends whom I love. I am so happy to be part of their friendship group and talk to them about random stuff and be goofs.

During the Christmas break there were definitely plenty of friend get-togethers with other friends from my youth group.

Then new year's rolled around. Spent at my aunt and uncle's, we had a lot of fun.

I am so grateful for such a great year.

These are all personal things that happened but there are so many things in the social media world, especially YouTube, that happened.

Tyler Oakley and Bethany Mota winning a TCA

Grace Helbig, Mamrie Hart, and Hannah Hart's Camp Takota

Superwoman (Lilly Singh) in Dr. Cabbie

Bethany Mota on Dancing With The Stars

Zoe Sugg's book Girl Online

Alfie Deyes' The Pointless Book

Hannah Hart's My Drunk Kitchen cookbook

Grace's Guide the art of pretending to be a grown-up

Cameron Dallas' movie Expelled, and so many more.

I am proud to be a part of the online generation and to see so much recognition given to those with the online life.

keep smiling beautifuls,
Naddy xoxo

christmas: the most wonderful time of year

Bonjour my internet friends, 

As you all know, Christmas has just flown by. With turkeys stuffed, wrapping paper flying, and many more, things go quite fast. 

With all the build up, you think there would be more to it. 

Not really clearly. 

I honestly, didn't outdo myself. 

I got my little sister, let's call her Diva, an old perfume I didn't want anymore and gave my other younger sister, say Kitty, lots of luvin's, because I didn't actually think about getting them anything. 


My brother, Lego, got myself and my sisters and giant box with 'to Nadine and those other ones' written on the side. As you can tell, we have a little bit of a more bonded relationship. 

Except he built us up for nothing. Inside was a homemade card. It was a nice card. He glued the papers super cool and said really nice things. 

But you see, it was a big box. 

I know he did it on purpose, and it made me laugh. 

I received some pretty awesome things this Christmas. 

My maternal grandparents got me a kick-ass pair of boots that I just love. I am one hundred percent wearing them on the first day back to school. 

My paternal grandparents actually gave me 'Hey, Let's Make a Band' which is the 5 Seconds of Summer book that I wanted. I read it in under two hours and believe me, their jokes and dorkiness oozed off the pages. 

I got many more things, but the point of this post was not to gloat about my gifts. 

I want to focus on the real point of Christmas time. 

To me, Christmas means spending time with my close family, sleeping over at grandma's house, and eating lots of treats (especially chocolate bark and Pfeffernusse); feeling a certain sense of joy you can only feel at this time of year. 

I love this time of year. It is definitely my favourite of all time. Screw Easter, whatever Halloween, and any other "holiday". Christmas and New Year's is where the fun is had.

Christmas is amazing.

keep smiling beautifuls,
Naddy xoxo